Thought i'd catch up on a few things. Most of this has been covered in bits and pieces on Facebook; filling in some gaps.
I had a whole draft written up regarding what happened last week and my subsequent reaction, but i'm going to skip it. I'll just mention that even though it sucks immensely, maybe this is what i needed (< /cliche>). I wasn't clear-minded enough to read the signs early on, nor was i strong enough to make this move myself back when it might have made a difference (to myself, i mean). Even when i said "Maybe it would be better if...", i never really believed it. I am still angry and hurt, and i *know* that it didn't have to be this way. But it is what it is (btw i've grown to dislike that phrase, but i can't think of anything more succinct at the moment).
...
I stopped shaving about a week and a half ago. (Hmm, right after the theatrics; coincidence? Maybe si, maybe no.) I've never been able to grow decent facial hair; it's all patchy and sparse and doesn't quite suit my face. This was never an issue before because i think i look best clean-shaven anyway. But while examining about a week's worth of scruff in the mirror, i decided "Who the hell cares? I have nobody to look presentable for. So what if i look like a scuzzbucket?"
When asked why i'm continuing with this, even knowing what the outcome will be, i responded, "I think i just feel like doing something out of character." Which is true - in this case i'm setting aside my general desire to look decently put-together and embracing the godawful beard. It really is pretty awful (i posted photos on Facebook, by popular demand), but (thanks to one friend's encouragement) i trimmed it into a goatee today (Van Dyke, actually) which i think looks less sleazy.
So we'll see how long this lasts. The biggest downside is that it clashes badly with the softer side of my wardrobe. I can't wear any of my cute Threadless shirts (including the new ones that i picked up recently) nor the items i scored at Forever 21 a few weeks ago. Can't have it all, i guess.
Anyway, i feel like doing more things that are out of character. I'm kindof tired of myself. I mean i know there's no way to stop being who i am - i've tried this before and failed. But, semantic arguments aside, i'm sure i can find things to do that i ordinarily wouldn't do. Maybe tomorrow i'll drive 45 mph down the freeway. Maybe i'll be laconic for a day (not today, obviously). Maybe i'll skip this week's episode of Lost and *not* catch up (oh the humanity). Suggestions are welcome.
Segue. After about a month of consideration and recon, i finally broke down and bought a new tv. Sony Bravia V-series; 40" LCD 1080p (at this point there's no reason to get anything less than 1080p). I actually had it all picked out and was just waiting for it to go on sale, which it did last weekend. And oh man, it is sweet. A few friends brought over The Incredibles that night and it was indeed incredible.
So of course i'm now in the trap of wanting HD *content* for my HDTV. I'm holding off on the Blu-ray player for now; my upscaling dvd player proved its worth with The Incredibles. But SD content looks like crap on this tv - way worse than on a standard def display. So my beloved ReplayTV, for example, is no longer as awesome as it once was. But i was pleased to find that even though Comcast is evil, they're actually sending digital signal over my cable line which the networks are simulcasting. After DVRing for so many years, it's difficult to go back to watching tv in real time. But Lost and even Survivor are so stunning in high-def that it's a fair price to pay. For now. Eventually i'm going to want a dvr which supports high-def, but i'm going to wait until after the switchover in June (unless they push it back again, sigh) and see what Comcast does with their cable packages at that point.
I finally started watching Battlestar Galactica yesterday (actually the Netflix Fairy brought me disc 1 of season 1 several weeks ago, but i was kindof waiting for the new tv, heh). I'm really enjoying i so far. But thanks to the "Vote for Tigh/Roslin" banners from last fall, every time our friend the XO came on screen, i kept expecting him to say "my friends..." or talk about reaching across the aisle. I hope it wears off soon.
