1994

1994 was a pivotal year for me in terms of music. In fact, it was possibly the most consequential year of my young life - with respect to music specifically, and myself in general. I continued to evolve over the years that followed, but '94 was the beginning of it all.

Sophomore year of high school was when i finally started to come into my own and leave behind the awkward, uncertain kid who got bullied or ridiculed by almost everyone. I finally realized that i didn't have to be that person anymore. I changed my image, i adjusted my attitude; i embraced the best and the worst of the intensity of teenage emotions. And i discovered a burning passion for music - something i genuinely loved on my own terms (not just trying to be cool or fit in by copying other kids). I'd played in band since 7th grade, but mid high school was when i switched from brass to my true calling in percussion. And by an immensely fortunate coincidence, this was right around the time the grunge/alternative/whatever-you-want-to-call-it movement exploded and took over everything. After years of seeing music as something passive (listen to whatever was on 96.3, or whatever the other kids said was cool), i realized that it's possible for music to actually resonate and mean something.

...

I wish i could say i was all into the Big Four back then, but i was really only into Nirvana. I liked Soundgarden just fine, but didn't explore beyond their singles until years later. Ditto Alice In Chains; one of my closest friends was a huge fan, but i was behind the curve myself. As for Pearl Jam, i remember getting so fed up with their overplayed singles, i'd change the station whenever they came on. I eventually came to enjoy their first three albums when i was in college (and even wrote a term paper based partly on their social activism). I still haven't worked through the rest of their catalogue (it's on my musical to-do list); but i have, at least, traced their rock-and-roll lineage back through Temple of the Dog => Mother Love Bone => Green River.

In fact, i found out years after the fact that true "grunge" had started years earlier, and was already ending by the time i caught on. And "alternative" had become mainstream, but we hadn't stopped calling it "alternative" yet. Indeed, many of my favorite bands came out of the post-grunge/power-pop-with-downtuned-guitars persuasion, or other styles which happened to come along for the ride. Whatever. It changed my life, and i'm grateful for that.

I can't remember exactly when i picked up which albums, but i remember having a little cd rack containing "In Utero", "Siamese Dream", "The Downward Spiral", "Core", "Smash", "Get A Grip, and "Hints Allegations and Things Left Unsaid." [Again, not really "grunge", but these bands were all part of the larger experience.] I was also starting to notice Metallica, Pantera, and Megadeth on the radio, but didn't get full force into metal until a year or two later. [Also on the rack were Ace of Base, Mariah Carey, Jurassic Park, and the Animaniacs soundtrack; but that's a different blog post. Oh yeah, and Meat Loaf!]

I remember the rides home after marching band practice in my friend's car, and singing along with Green Day, Counting Crows, Better Than Ezra ("ah WAH-OW!"), and The Offspring ("You gotta keep 'em sepa-RATED!").

I remember the bandroom was a *goldmine* for musical discoveries. The students were given free reign over the stereo outside of class periods, and that's how i was introduced to Rage Against The Machine, The Crow soundtrack, Soul Asylum, and Beck. And it's also where i finally developed a proper appreciation for Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I remember feeling shocked and confused when Kurt died. This was before the internet and easy access to news; i got my updates from radio DJs and the hallways at school - not a reliable source of information. I was confused when the Unplugged album dropped and acoustic live cuts filled the airwaves. I didn't have MTV; i didn't know what Unplugged was. I didn't know that it had been recorded and aired a year earlier; i thought it was a (new) live concert. So if Kurt was gone, how was it possible for the band to be performing? One friend convinced me that the band had already replaced him with a lookalike/soundalike. Looking back, it's hard to believe that i believed that, but i did. For a while.

I remember sitting in my room late at night playing Siamese Dream on repeat (and sometimes just "Mayonaise" on repeat) for hours on end, zoned out with the soothing comfort of heavy guitars and distortion.

I remember going to my first concert (Aerosmith with Collective Soul opening) with one of my closest friends, sitting not only up in the bleeds, but *behind* the damn stage. Couldn't see a damn thing, but it was still amazing.

All of these memories, and so many more lost to the ages. The beginning of my personal evolution, elements which changed my life and still help me to this day.

...

I started writing this near the beginning of this year with the intent of starting a year-long project to celebrate the 20-year anniversary of 1994 and mark that time in music and life. But the time, as it does, has gone by and now there are only two weeks left in 2014. Maybe i'll carry this into next year, and combine it with a 1995 retrospective (which itself brought a series life-shaping events). Ideas for the project include:

• Revisit old albums from '94 which have been collecting dust
• Seek out more bands from the early 90s which i missed the first time around
• Learn more songs from that timeframe to add to my acoustic repertoire
• Write specific journal entries or blog posts covering any notable thoughts resulting from the above

I've actually been revisiting 90s music for years now, sporadically hitting the items above, and modern tools (ironically, perhaps) make it wonderfully easy. YouTube is a goldmine of old tv performances by bands, as well as VHS concert recordings thankfully digitized and uploaded by fans (and allowed to stay up by the copyright owners). Streaming services make it easy to pull up ignored or forgotten albums. Wikipedia provides biographies and discographies which were hard to come by back then. And Amazon, of course, is the easiest place to find old cds (many of which are sadly out of print, but still available to buy used).

So in a way it's just more of the same, this "20 years later" project, but i thought a more deliberate and focused effort would be meaningful and fun.

If anyone has bands to recommend or stories to share, i am definitely interested.

Mayonaise [new video]

In celebration of the 20th anniversary of the release of Siamese Dream, i'd like to share my cover of my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song.  As usual, this is a work-in-progress (both the playing and the recording setup), and constructive feedback is welcome.




(Here's a link if the video didn't embed properly in your newsreader)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSv3l6lSr8s

---

The story

Siamese Dream is always on my shortlist whenever the topic of lifechanging or coming-of-age albums comes up. It was one of the first albums i ever bought, and one of the few which has held up over the years - i can listen to it today and enjoy all of the songs on their own merits (in addition to the warm fuzzy feelings of nostalgia they can sometimes evoke).

As is often the case, the album's impact had a lot to do with timing.  1993/1994 brought a number of beginnings for me.  I was just starting to develop a true love for music.  I was starting to get into rock and metal in earnest.  And i was starting to come into my own, going through the development/discovery of identity (and related emotional processing) that many teenagers go through.

The Smashing Pumpkins were one of many bands who gel'd with this emergence, part of the alternative movement which coincided with this pivotal time for me. I know that "real" "grunge" was over by that point (emphasis on the quotation marks), but alternative rock as a whole was still in full swing, and the eventual post-grunge saturation and backlash hadn't (in my opinion) gained critical mass yet.

I remember hearing Disarm, Today, and Cherub Rock on the radio, and enjoying the songs enough to want to buy the cd.  (Buying a cd was a big deal back then, mainly due to the limited budget of a broke high school kid (this was before i discovered cheap discs via BMG's mail order service).)  Siamese Dream was a welcome addition to my tiny collection, and kept good company with the likes of In Utero, Core, Get A Grip, Bat out of Hell II, and the black album.

Naturally, when you only own 10 cds, you listen to the same albums over and over again, and eventually some of them get played out.  Siamese Dream, however, was one of the albums i never got tired of, even after weeks and months (and eventually, years) of constant play.

Through that constant play, I found myself slowly gravitating to track #9, often repeating the song multiple times, or skipping straight to that one and letting the rest of the album cycle around it.  Some nights i'd just put that one song on repeat for hours, letting the waves of distortion and emotion carry me away.  I didn't really listen to lyrics back then, so i didn't notice what he was singing about; it was just the *feel* of the song that was so compelling; heavy thrum offset by sweet melodies, gloomy and sad, but somehow peaceful and soothing.

Mayonaise is one of those songs i keep coming back to.  Even now, 20 years later, there are times when there's nothing else i feel like hearing.

2012 California Ballot Propositions

There are eleven statewide ballot measures in California for the November, 2012 election. Many of them can be tricky to fully understand, and the arguments for and against tend to be selective and (in some cases) misleading. Even worse, our airwaves and mailboxes are saturated with ads, many of which which are similarly misleading.

I have put a great deal of research into the ballot props: I have listened to debates on all of the measures (thanks to KQED's excellent morning discussion show, Forum); i've looked up history, read news & blogs, and (perhaps most importantly) followed the money (which often reveals who is actually behind the curtain). I thought i'd share what i've come up with, in hopes of helping other California voters. I won't try to summarize all of the arguments or all of the details of the measures (for that, please refer to the resources at the end of this post), but instead focus on the "ah-ha!" aspects which i found to be most compelling.

Disclaimer: These are my personal stances on these issues. While i would urge you to join me in voting the respective measures up or down, you should do your own research if you disagree with me and make the best decision that you can. Please, just dig deeper than what the ads are saying. If you really think i'm off base on some of these, i'll listen to civil discussion (emphasis on *civil*).

Here's my cheat sheet; i'll go into details for my positions below.

YES	Prop 30	Jerry Brown's Tax Increase for Education
NO	Prop 31	Two-Year Budget Cycle
NO	Prop 32	Ban on corporate and union contributions to state and local candidates
NO	Prop 33	Car insurance rates can be based on a person's history of insurance coverage
YES	Prop 34	"End the Death Penalty"
YES	Prop 35	Increased Penalties for Human Trafficking and Sex Slavery
YES	Prop 36	Modification of the "Three Strikes" Law
YES	Prop 37	Mandatory Labeling of Genetically Engineered Food
NO	Prop 38	Molly Munger's State Income Tax Increase for Education
YES	Prop 39	Income Tax Increase for Multistate Businesses
YES	Prop 40	Referendum on the State Senate Redistricting Plan

...

YES on Prop 30 - Jerry Brown's Tax Increase for Education

First, an intro to the two education funding measures. #30 and #38 are competing measures - only one can win. If both are approved by voters, only the one with the highest number of votes will go into effect. Both are well-intentioned and will provide money for schools, but given that we can have only one, #30 is the way to go.

#30 is Gov Jerry Brown's measure; it will balance the state budget and protect funding for schools, and will pay for it with a small sales tax increase for everyone (0.25%) and income tax increases for individuals making more than $250k/year. Furthermore, the current CA state budget is contingent on #30 being approved. If #30 is rejected, trigger cuts of 6 billion dollars will be slashed from K-12 and community colleges, as well as the UC and CSU systems.

#38 is from billionaire Molly Munger. #38 will NOT balance the state budget. If #38 wins, the 6 billion dollar trigger cuts WILL go into effect. And the funding for #38 would come from income tax increases for EVERYONE (not just top income earners as with #30). So i'm voting YES on #30 and NO on #38.

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NO on Prop 31 - Two-Year Budget Cycle

There's a lot going on with this one, but i think the cons outweigh the pros. The biggest turnoffs for me are (A) The legislature can't even pass a 1-year budget on time; how are they going to work out a budget for 2 years at once? (B) i don't like the idea of giving unilateral power to the governor (even if it's only under certain conditions), and (C) i don't like the idea of allowing local authorities to ignore state laws (e.g. environmental regulations for clean air and water). Our budget process is already a mess, and this seems to just complicate things further.

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NO on Prop 32 - Ban on corporate and union contributions to state and local candidates

This is basically a bunch of billionaires and super-PACs attacking unions. This measure would ban unions from supporting political candidates, but allow super-PACs and the other sponsors of this measure to continue doing just that. The Citizens United Supreme Court decision was bad enough; this would only make things worse.

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NO on Prop 33 - Car insurance rates can be based on a person's history of insurance coverage

This measure is straight up bullshit. This one is paid for almost entirely by George Joseph, billionaire founder of Mercury Insurance. So we have a ballot measure about car insurance laws pushed & funded by an insurance kingpin - who do you think this would benefit?

It gets even richer. Back in 1988, CA voters passed Prop 103 which placed restrictions on insurance companies and lowered rates for everyone. Not only did George Joseph try to stop #103, as soon as it passed he started trying to get it repealed, blocked from implementation, and undermined. He was even busted for violating that law. Back in 2010 he tried to pass a measure almost exactly the same as this one, and we appropriately voted it down. We didn't let him get away with it then, and there is absolutely no reason to let him get away with it now.

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YES on Prop 34 - "End the Death Penalty"

Bottom line: This would abolish the death penalty in California and save a ton of money.

Our prison system is messed up; overcrowded and strapped for cash. It costs a LOT of money to house inmates on death row - after convicted, they sit on death row for 20+ years while working their way through the legal system with of appeal after appeal after appeal. Moral issues regarding capital punishment aside, how is this any better than life in prison? This measure would also redirect money to law enforcement. I mean, we already busted these bad guys - lets stop wasting time & money on 20 years of court proceedings; let them rot in prison and instead focus on going after the murders and rapists who are still out on the streets.

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YES on Prop 35 - Increased Penalties for Human Trafficking and Sex Slavery

Stricter penalties for human trafficing (both sex trafficking and labor trafficking - yes, slave labor still exists in the United States today). Also adds protections for victims of human trafficking. From the legislative analyst:

"The measure prohibits the use of evidence that a person was involved in criminal sexual conduct (such as prostitution) to prosecute that person for that crime if the conduct was a result of being a victim of human trafficking. The measure also makes evidence of sexual conduct by a victim of human trafficking inadmissible for the purposes of attacking the victim's credibility or character in court. In addition, this measure disallows certain defenses in human trafficking cases involving minors. For example, a defendant could not claim as a defense being unaware of the minor's age."

In other words, we're trying to go after the pimps (the real criminals) and not the prostitutes whom the pimps were coercing and taking advantage of.

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YES on Prop 36 - Modification of the "Three Strikes" Law

This is a tricky one. The "Three Strikes" Law means each time you're busted for a criminal offense, you might get a "strike" on your record; after your third strike you go to jail for 25-to-life.

On one hand, sure, come down hard on repeat offenders. Provide an incentive to clean up your act (if you already have two strikes, maybe you'll be scared straight). If someone keeps commiting crimes, stop giving them more chances.

But here's the problem - this law has been abused a great deal with strikes handed out for petty offenses like shoplifting, sometimes two strikes handed out at once. Maybe instead of getting scared straight, you'll think you have nothing to lose and just go crazy (commit a *really* serious crime, attack police officers if they find you, etc).

We're dealing with overcrowded prison systems, budget issues, and the highest recidivism rate in the country. Our current system is NOT working. It's been suggested that we might do better by getting rid of things like Three Strikes and instead follow other states' example of investing more in things like substance abuse programs, therapy, job training, etc, to help released inmates get onto a better track.

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YES on Prop 37 - Mandatory Labeling of Genetically Engineered Food

I want to know what's in my food. I'll spare you my rant on how companies like Monsanto are polluting the environment, poisoning all of us, and using their power to write U.S. laws to compromise food safety in favor of their own profits. Instead i'll keep it simple:

Many countries around the world - including China, Japan, India, and most of Europe - already require labeling of GMO foods. American suppliers already have to label the food they export to these countries. I just want them to provide the same labeling on food they sell to us here in the US.

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NO on Prop 38 - Molly Munger's State Income Tax Increase for Education

Please see my notes above regarding #30 and #38 as competing measures.

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YES on Prop 39 - Income Tax Increase for Multistate Businesses

This one will close a tax loophole which was put in at the last minute of the farce that is California budget negotiations; it'll level the playing field by making multistate businesses pay corporate income taxes the same way that CA-only businesses do. Opponents are spinning the same "job creators" rhetoric which i don't think holds much water. All companies should pay income taxes the same way; i feel that we shouldn't have an unequal system to coddle certain companies. Continuing that policy out of fear that they'll move to other states is like preemptively giving the bully your lunch money every day.

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YES on Prop 40 - Referendum on the State Senate Redistricting Plan

Sigh. The opponents of this one have dropped their case, but there is no way to remove a ballot measure once it's on there, so we still have to vote YES.

CA voting districts are redrawn every 10 years based on census results. In 2008, voters approved an independent commission to take over the redrawing of the lines (instead of the former partisan spaghetti mess). Republicans wanted to block the newly-drawn voting districts from being used for the 2012 elections. The California Supreme Court ruled that the new districts WILL be used for these elections, so the Republicans dropped their position on this measure.

The work is done and the results already being used. Nobody opposes this measure anymore. YES on #40 so we can move on with our lives.

...

Resources

Ballotpedia is a great source for ballot info, history, and (very important) lists of donors and how much money they contributed.
http://ballotpedia.org/wiki/index.php/California_2012_ballot_propositions

And KQED Forum dedicates episodes to each of the ballot measures for every election. They bring in supporters and opponents for each measure to debate on the air, and allow listeners to join with questions and comments. Listening to these programs has helped me immensely in understanding the measures. Look for the "Forum analysis" link at the bottom of each ballot prop's section in KQED's election guide - this'll get you to the podcast for that debate.

KQED election guide
http://www.kqed.org/news/politics/election2012/statepropositions-guide.jsp

Ronnie James Dio [1942-2010]

[This started out as an email but i decided to post it here instead. It's not intended to be a biography of the late great Dio (refer to wikipedia or countless other blogs for that), but just a tribute in the form of an introduction and some thoughts.]

I'm a little bummed out today because i found out that Ronnie James Dio died of cancer this weekend. If you're not familiar with Dio, he's one of the legendary singers of heavy metal history. He played in a series of great bands in the 60s and 70s (including Elf and Rainbow), then joined Black Sabbath after Ozzy was kicked out in 1979. And if you're not familiar with Black Sabbath, they're one of the forefathers of the entire heavy metal genre. (Led Zeppelin is the other one.) After Sabbath and Zeppelin came Iron Maiden and Judas Priest and others, followed by Metallica with the "Big Four" of thrash and others, and the progression only continued from there with so many other awesome bands and subgenres. Actually right now is an interesting time because you can go out and see about four generations of metal bands, sometimes sharing the same bill. Oh, and to clarify - i used the word "after"; it's not an order of succession, but more like new members joining a family. But i digress.

Dio had some huge shoes to fill, taking Ozzy's place in the legendary Black Sabbath, but he friggin stepped up and created his own era of legend with the band. He then ventured off to start his own band, called Dio. I'm sure at some point or another you've heard Holy Diver or Rainbow In The Dark (the two Dio songs which are still played on mainstream radio today). There was some back and forth over the years with Black Sabbath reuniting with Dio in the early-90s for a short time, then back with Ozzy in the mid/late-90s (i had the fortune of seeing that reunion live several times myself). But Ozzy continued doing his own stuff, and various issues prevented the band from recording new material together. So about 4 years ago they joined up with Dio again, this time calling the band "Heaven and Hell" (named after the first album they did with Dio back in 1979), recorded some new material, and embarked on a series of successful tours. (And yes, i'm oversimplifying all of this; there were many lineup changes and different incarnations; for more information on Black Sabbath consult your school library.)

For years and years all i've heard is how nice a guy Dio is and how hard he works. I mean Ozzy is a legend of his own, but he struggled so much with drugs and alcohol (that's why he was fired from Sabbath, actually) and that really cut into his music. Dio, on the other hand; i read somewhere that during his entire time with Black Sabbath he was never late for a gig and never missed a rehearsal. His voice is unique and powerful; often imitated, but nobody can really sing like him. Actually i think whenever any comedian belts out some hilariously overblown vocals, they're usually imitating Dio. Prime example: Jack Black.

Another interesting legacy is that Dio was the one who popularized the "devil horns" gesture which is now ubiquitous in rock and metal circles. He said he got it from his Italian grandmother who used the gesture to ward off evil spirits. It's also similar to the sign for "love" in ASL.

Like many other music legends, i'm only now starting to catch up with Dio's amazing work. Just a few months ago i started cutting playlists on grooveshark and dropped a couple of Dio compilations into my Amazon cart to buy eventually. (Now i feel like a toolbag, joining the sales spike of a musician upon their death, but i was going to pick them up anyway, dammit.)

Anyway, thanks for listening to my little music history lesson for the day. I guess this is part of getting older - waking up every couple of days and finding out that someone else i knew or admired died. I'll leave you with a few of my favorite songs.

Time Machine (Dio-era Black Sabbath) from the Wayne's World soundtrack. This is actually the first Black Sabbath song i ever heard.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQv0GEeaJrk


Rainbow In The Dark (Dio). This one was the source of an ongoing debate between my old roommate and me. Every time we heard it on the radio he'd insist that it was Randy Rhoads while i maintained it was the Scorpions. (And this was pre-internet so we couldn't just look it up.) Obviously we were both wrong.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmSt1oEIshE


Stars (Hear'n Aid). I can't resist dropping this one in here because it demonstrates that wherever there's metal, Dio will be there. I was just thinking about this the other day - it was the response from the heavy metal guys who weren't invited to Live Aid in 1985. (i.e. "Oh yeah? Well we'll have our *own* benefit concert. With blackjack. And hookers.")


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZktrrqT1A0


Oh, one more. Live recording of The Mob Rules - Dio-era Sabbath, performed here by Heaven and Hell.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rajfsx0sUnU


Rock on, brother \m/

Ronnie James Dio [1942-2010]

Story of a Lost Kitty

Around 07:30 Saturday morning my phone rang with Jen's ringtone. I knew that something had to be wrong for her to be calling that early in the morning, so i braced myself and answered.

Jen (upset): "Avalou got out last night and i don't know where she is."
Me (fumbling for my glasses): "She squeezed out through the window?"
Jen (more upset): "Yeah."
Me (rolling out of bed): "I'm on my way; we'll find her."

Avalou is Jen's adorable little kitty (and in Jen's own words, her baby). She's one of the most loveable cats i've ever met; i'm not really an animal person (and i'm allergic to cats) but she still managed to win me over. So Jen was understandably upset that Squish (aka Avalou aka Squishy Girl - she has many names) was lost, and i of course threw on some clothes and ran out the door (after making coffee to take along).

Arrived at Jen's and commenced the search. Squish has always been an indoor cat so we figured (hoped) she hadn't gone far. We slowly combed her apartment complex, checking all of the bushes, under the dumpsters, along the fences, calling out her name (Avalou always responds when Jen calls her). I even poked my head into a shed left unlocked next to the laundry room, prompting a surly "Can i help you with something?" from a maintenance guy. Oops.

There's a cemetery adjacent to the complex and we felt (hoped) that the peaceful, grassy space would be more appealing to a scared kitty than a noisy street. The gates were open so we walked right in and searched the the hedges along the perimeter; no cat.

Back to Jen's apartment to regroup; i searched for tips online and confirmed the thoughts we already had - she most likely would stay close to home and was probably hiding nearby with her cat stealth. Jen had set out some cat food and water on her patio; she now added one of her t-shirts and Avalou's little bed; hopefully she'd smell the familiar scents and follow her nose home. We headed out to print up a bunch of fliers and proceeded to post them all over her apartment complex and on telephone poles along the streets. Also walked down to a nearby coffee shop and left some fliers there.

By the time we got back it was getting into evening and Jen and i were feeling emotional and tired. It was hard to stay in her apartment with all of Avalou's stuff around but Av herself conspicuously absent. We figured (hoped) she was napping somewhere but might come out after dark so we decided to get something to eat in the meantime. Checked yelp and found a pizza place which sounded promising. Turned out to be a great little place. Good pizza (a little greasy but still good), a stage with live bluegrass music, and 30 beers on tap - not a single one of which was Budweiser. I think we both felt better after eating food and getting a mental break.

Back to the search; it was dark now so we took flashlights and searched the complex again; still no kitty (except for two outdoor cats whom we'd been seeing around all day). With nothing more we could do we turned in for the night, hoping the little one would find her way home overnight.

I didn't realize until Saturday night how attached i'd gotten to Avalou. I mean i've always liked her since she's such a sweet kitty, and of course i wanted her to get back safe and sound. But i was a little surprised at how strenuously upset i felt.

Slept uneasily, got up Sunday morning and checked the patio hoping she'd be fast asleep in her little bed but found it empty. Someone else had eaten her food though; probably one of the neighbor cats.

So we continued the drill; searched, ate food (found this cute 50s style diner with great breakfast food), searched more. Around mid-afternoon (cat still nowhere to be found) Jen needed to throw in some laundry so i suggested we drive down to my place so she could use my washer & dryer (instead of paying for the ones in her complex's laundry room). This would also give me a chance to pick up a few things and throw in a much-needed load of my own laundry.

Just like the day before i think the mental break helped us both. Then, right as the last load was ready to go into the dryer, Jen's phone rang. It was a lady from her apartment complex with a sighting - she'd seen Avalou in the cemetery right by the fence near the corner of the complex. Go time! We threw our stuff in the car and hauled ass back. Ran up to the spot and...no kitty. Dammit!

We decided to walk through the cemetery again in case she was still in there; this time the gate was locked so we jumped the fence (with no disrespect intended towards those resting in peace or their families). Walked the cemetery perimeter again with no luck, and then tried the adjacent subdivision (we saw a gap in the wall which a medium-sized cat might want to slip through). Ended up having to jump a few more fences and wandering down a few walking paths near the wall but still no luck.

Disappointed but feeling a little better knowing that Avalou was nearby and ok, we put out a little dish of food at the spot of her sighting along with Jen's t-shirt from the patio (again hoping she'd smell something familiar and meet us there). Came back to the spot after an hour; no luck. Swept the fences then waited another hour and went out again; still no luck. It was now around 22:00 and we were feeling dejected and worrying because it was going to be a chilly night with rain in the forecast. We stood still at the spot, thinking, listening. Then i thought i heard a noise coming from the nearby bushes so i crept up with the flashlight and Jen called Avalou's name. *Then* we heard a meow! But not from the bushes; it seemed to be coming from back towards the parking lot.

Jen continued calling, the meow continued responding...we followed the sound to a nearby sewer drain. Shone the flashlight down through the drainage grate and saw Avalou's adorable little face looking up at us!

My first thought was "Aw frak, how are we going to get her out of there?" but Jen, without hesitating, demonstrated that it was the kind of grate which lifts right out of the ground. Avalou darted back into the sewer as we pulled the grate away but Jen continued talking to her in her comforting/reassuring voice, coaxed her out, and got her into her arms. Oh what a relief!

As soon as Avalou got back into the apartment she started marching around, checking things out, getting her bearings back. She ate her food a little at a time and drank some water; she also played with some of her toys, meow'd at the door (to which Jen replied "Oh *hell no*"), and started cleaning herself. It was good to see that she was alert with a nice energy level; maybe she found some clean water to drink while she was out. Eventually she started coming down, curled up on the bed and fell asleep.

Yay, happy ending!





Discussing this afterward, Jen and i were amazed at the series of events which led to finding Avalou; it was like a movie. First the phone call tip from her neighbor which drew us to that particular spot. [Sidebar, i wasn't expecting the fliers to actually work; i thought they were a shot in the dark, mostly something to do to make ourselves feel better. From now on i'll definitely keep an eye out whenever i see lost animal fliers.] Then Avalou managing to get from the cemetery on the other side of the fence into the sewer back on the apartment complex side (maybe through a drain in the cemetery or the subdivision). And then getting to the drain right by the spot where we were looking, hearing Jen's voice, and responding with enough force to lead us to her.

Jen and i are currently casting for the film adaptation. We're trying to get Bruce Campbell to play the role of me. Jen, of course, would be played by her doppelganger, Tina Fey. We also want Christina Ricci to do the voice of Avalou (just meows; no talking animals in this movie). And finally, we need a niche character actor to play our heroic phone tipster. Jen suggested Amy Sedaris.

So that was our weekend. I'll close with a photo of Avalou playing with her ball and figure-8 track.

Runaway Train [new video]

I realize that this may be anticlimactic since i've been promising this for close to a year now, but getting here has been a winding road with unexpected twists, turns, bumps, bruises, and various other cliches. Tell ya what - song first, story after:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3CltyT5Tvk


This is one of my all-time favorite songs; i've wanted to play it acoustic since before i even considered learning guitar. For me this is one of those tunes which never gets played out; i used to listen to it on repeat in the car (still do, actually), belting out the vocals at the top of my lungs, drumming on my steering wheel.

The intro alone can immediately trigger memories of my youth (the original intro, i mean, not the one i made up for my cover) . I'm pretty sure the first time i heard it was in the band room in high school. (SHHS band geeks, you know what i'm talking about.) The students had free reign over the stereo before/after class and while suiting up for marching band performances. I was introduced to a lot of awesome music via the band room - Rage Against The Machine, Beck, and The Crow soundtrack come to mind . The first time i heard Stone Temple Pilots' (then brand new) sophomore album was in the band room. And while i was familiar with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, i have to thank bandroom airplay and a certain sax player for helping me to recognize their awesomeness.

My initial memories of Runaway Train are a little hazy, but i remember we were getting ready for a Friday night football game; someone put the song on and the rhythm and melodies immediately caught me. I stood there at the back of the room (probably wearing half of my band uniform) just taking in the music. I think it was a defining moment for me; this was right around the time i was starting to *really* get into music, and 90s rock was one of the styles which guided my journey.

...

This is actually one of my first recording attempts for this song (not counting some pretty awful takes last fall). I was hoping to clean it up a little more and re-record, but my free time is a little choppy right now and i'm not sure if i have the patience to go through the same exercise i went through with Rockin' In The Free World. And this one turned out a lot better than i was expecting so i decided to just share it the way it is (mistakes and all) and move on to other stuff.

I'm hoping to be able to share videos more often than once a year now; i have a whole bunch of songs in the works, many of which are coming along nicely. Stay tuned. Oh, and as before, feedback is appreciated.

2009 In Review

[I wrote this up in late-December/early-January; just haven't had a chance to finish it up and post until now. Better late than never.]

About this time last year, i observed that 2008 had been a year of regrouping; time i needed to heal and start to rebuild. I proceeded to get off to a rough start in 2009 and crashed and burned due to an unfortunate development early in the year. However, that very incident enabled (forced) me to leave certain things in the past and move on with my life. Nothing like having closure rammed down your throat.

I can see now that the *real* healing started after that fire burned down. Without even realizing it at first, i started to seek out new building blocks and piece my life back together. (Maybe it sounds overdramatic, but i honestly feel that this is the best analogy.) After a time i found myself genuinely laughing again, enjoying activities, finding my zany side back and stronger than ever (which has been damn fun, i must say). I eventually noticed that i'd more or less stabalized to a happy & positive baseline. I'm not sure if i've ever achieved that before. Certainly not in college, and possibly not even during the "golden age" of ~2004-2007.

And let me be perfectly clear - i got to this point *before* i met the girl (late-October). I still disagree with those of you who insist "Stop looking, it'll find you". However, my experiences support the theory that you must be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

But of course the year was not all flowers and rainbows. The important strides in my personal and social life were offset with incomplete and failed goals, although i think i'm well on the plus side overall. It's incredibly difficult to adjust your attitude, so i'm giving myself a lot of credit on that front.

Personal stuff aside, the absolute worst of the year was losing my dear friend Tessa. She inspired me in life, and she continues to inspire me even though she's left this world. I've re-read some of our correspondence from the past few years and i've been reading through her blog, finding myself motivated to follow her example. I'm also borrowing a few of her words to form a mantra summing up what i aspire to: "Live deliberately." More on this when i get to my 2010 goal package. For now lets get to the lists for 2009:


The Good:

- Got over it and moved on with life.

- Built up my fledgeling solo acoustic project in secret just like i wanted to and got to the point of being able to go public with a youtube video.

- Continued reconnecting with old friends and strengthening ties, getting to know many of y'all better.

- Continued attending live shows; didn't make it to all of the concerts on my list (mostly due to travel and other priorities), but still averaged one great show per month, including several performances which were particularly spectacular (Opeth, MuteMath, Trivium).

- Made some important strides towards becoming the guy i've wanted to be for a long time now. It's still too early to celebrate, but i think the attitude and outlook are very close now.

- Much awesome travel: Long-awaited weekend trips to to visit friends in Portland and Kansas City, *two* trips back to Champaign-Urbana (lindy exchange in April, friends' wedding in October), and a nice loooong visit home to Michigan for the holidays. Also had the chance to host a few out-of-town friends for weekend visits out here; really enjoyed those too.

- Jen <3

- Continued junk reduction efforts, including:
- Donated/recycled a lot of old clothing, kitchenware, and other no-longer-used items.
- Switched most of my bills and bank statements to online delivery; now down to only one or two paper bills (which don't have the option for ebills).
- Established a 3-year record retention policy: Throw all bills, invoices, insurance junk, financial documents, etc, into a box labeled by year. After 3 years, introduce the entire box to my shredder.
- Shredded over 10 years worth of old documents. Not sure why it took me this long to realize that i don't need my bank statements from high school, phone bills from college, etc; good riddance.


The Bad:

- Did not maintain momentum with my guitar playing (kept going on-again off-again instead of a stable practice routine).

- Did not go hiking nearly enough.

- Still haven't gotten back into swing dancing. I did make it to the Champaign-Urbana Lindy Exchange and a half-day lindy workshop in Oakland, but both remained isolated incidents.

- Still eating out way too much and not preparing enough meals at home.

- Regressed into the bad habit of coming home and sitting around watching reruns of Friends or Family Guy or whatever. Managed to cut this back down by the end of the year, but most of summer and fall saw too many hours wasted in this manner.


The Ugly:

- Restarted my frakking workout routine (yes, again) and then stalled out yet again. This is really starting to piss me off; is it just a matter of discipline, or is my goal flawed? I thought i scoped it out in a rather achievable manner. Usually when i stall out it's due to circumstance (e.g. illness), but i don't think that's a valid excuse for not restarting as soon as the circumstance has passed. I'll have to give this some thought for 2010.


The Neutral:

- Splurged on a new tv. Shiny.

- Came to a balance with tv viewing, following only the shows i really care about plus about one netflix disc per week. This is good because i'm no longer missing out on friggin amazing programming such as Battlestar Galactica and Lost, but i still feel that i'm spending more time watching tv than i'd like. I've already cut out most of the dead weight (e.g. Heroes), but i think i want to reduce more.

...

I'm still working on my goal package for 2010 and i probably won't post it here. On one hand, being accountable to the whole internet might help with motivation, but it's quickly turning into a boring tasklist which i'd rather keep to myself. In general it's along the lines of keeping up the good, above, and doing something about the bad and ugly, and i have a few new items to add as well. Stay tuned.