What happened to me Saturday night

I spent yesterday afternoon on a fruitless search for buttondown shirts (i'm skinny & picky; buying shirts is incredibly difficult). After being foiled by store after store, i was annoyed and tired and wanted beer. So i summoned an old friend to meet me for dinner. I was actually impressed by how quickly we went from "Hey, have you guys eaten yet?" to "Ok, meet at the Cheesecake Factory in 20 minutes." During undergrad we used to sit around for *hours* trying to decide where to eat, and while we're better at making plans now, those old tendencies are still there. But it would seem that indecision is easily countered by hunger & annoyance. I'll take it.

So we've been talking about starting up a weekly viewing night. Maybe work through the original Star Trek (i actually haven't seen most of the episodes yet) or get to a few anime series which have been on my list forever. We finally decided to start with Buffy The Vampire Slayer (one of my personal favorite shows of all time, ever). I insisted that we must start with the original Buffy movie (with Kristy Swanson, Luke Perry, and Donald Sutherland - released in 1992 but falls squarely in the genre of campy-80s-goodness). Then i insisted that we go home and watch it after dinner (i'd bought the dvd years ago, but still had it in the shrinkwrap).

So we did, picking up some beers on the way. I can't believe i didn't like this movie the first time i saw it! Maybe i just didn't have an appreciation for campy film back then. Or maybe (more likely) it's because i didn't have beer.

After Buffy we moved on to The Lost Boys (another 80s vampire favorite). So awesome. I always enjoyed that movie on its own merits, but now it's downright hilarious to see Jack Bauer as a teenage hellion (complete with motorcycle and bleach-blonde mullet) and Grandpa Gilmore (Lorelai's dad from Gilmore Girls).

The hour late and my stash of 80s vampire movies exhausted, we called it a night and i dropped my friend off at his place. On my way back home, i was stopped at a traffic light and noticed a big red balloon floating above the lawn just a little way up the road (next to the sign of an apartment complex, i think). I was intrigued by the way it slowly rose and fell along a perfect vertical axis without flying away. Maybe it's because it was 2am, or maybe i'm just easily distracted ("Ooh, shiny object!"), but i thought that red balloon was the coolest thing i'd ever seen. It wasn't even tied to anything (that i could see); it just floated on.

So i think watching the Lost Boys just triggers the teenage mischief in me. I mean the last time i watched that movie i ended up stealing a parking cone (granted we were drunk at the time, but i still blame the movie).

I decided to gank the big red balloon.

The light changed, i drove up & pulled over next to the balloon, popped my trunk, made sure the road was clear, then ran out and snagged it out of the air. It was much, much larger than i'd thought it was and i realized that it wouldn't fit in the trunk. So i decided to shove it through my door into the passenger seat instead. Well, it turned out to be way to big for that too and quickly got stuck in the door. I continued pushing and the balloon resisted the best it could before finally exploding...in a SHOWER of CONFETTI, covering me and the inside of my car with little pieces of colored tissue paper.

Behold (the big red red splotch is the shell of the now-dead balloon):









Oh, i wish i could have seen the look on my face - the milliseconds in the transition from "Get in, you stupid red balloon" to "Aw damn, it popped" to "SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! MY CAR!"

So that was Saturday. I think we all know what i'll be doing with my Sunday :-)

On the comeback trail

My biggest issue when it comes to my workout goals (and many other goals, for that matter) is a lapse in drive when it comes to the moment. I'll plan on hitting the gym after work on a given day, but by the time i'm ready to head out (usually 6-7pm), i'll find that i'm tired, hungry, and/or annoyed and just want to go home. Some days i force myself to hit the gym anyway. Other days (more often than i'd like), i take the easy way out and blow off the workout.

B-storyline (this is related, i promise): Because i am inept, i failed to supress a particular high-school-esque tendency yesterday. I was about ready to head out, and i saw that she was wrapping up her stuff too, so i tried to time it just right so we'd end up walking together. Yes i know, LAME. So lame, in fact, that i came to my senses and decided to sabotage my own effort and kill time by talking to one of my coworkers about some bug he was fixing (i really didn't care, and he probably noticed that i kept glancing down the row as he explained the bugfix). But then i changed my mind again and tried to revert to the original plan, but i got stuck in the conversation and she slipped out. DAMM!

With a sigh i headed out to where i usually park, but the fact that my car wasn't there reminded me that i'd parked in the deck instead. Double sigh. Finally got to my car, tossed my backpack into the trunk, and then tried to stare down my gym bag. I was really torn; i'd planned things right physically - had a nice lunch heavy on protein and carbs (mongolian bbq - mmm), drank plenty of water through the afternoon, chewed down a power bar about an hour before i was ready to go. But i really felt like just going home and working on my songs instead. Fortunately my gym bag won our battle of wills; i slung it over my shoulder and headed towards the gym.

My reward for making the right call was two-fold:

1) As i approached the door to the building, guess who walked through in the other direction? Yep, it was her! We just exchanged a quick friendly greeting, but the serendipity really lifted my spirits. The sequence of me (a) extracting myself from the pointless conversation, (b) unintentionally taking the scenic route to my car, (c) arguing with my gym bag, and finally (d) heading back in lined up *exactly* with the timing of her walking through that door. It's the little things in life, y'know?

2) My workout was awesome.

Over the past month or two i've slowly been working my way back from a rather lengthy setback (close to a year - uggh). It was incredibly frustrating at first - having my arms give out after only half the number of pushups i used to be able to do, finding myself winded and locking up after only 1 mile on the treadmill, etc.

Yesterday i hit my former max distance of 2.5 miles (running between a 9 and 9.5-minute mile). It's nothing compared to you runners out there, but it was great progress compared to where i'd started.

Lifting didn't go quite as well, but i'm at least back to my former weight levels on the few machines i use (and yes, i do intend to switch to free weights sometime soon). And i'm making slow/steady progress on my semi-nightly pushups (not back to last spring's levels yet, but getting there).

Last year i started tracking my progress on my fridge calendar - red ink for cardio or strenuous activity, blue for light/moderate, and blue again for strength (i need to pick up a different color pen to distinguish). I think i'm ready to reinstate my former goal: I want to see red ink on my calendar 3x/week, and blue 4x/week (with stretch goals of 4x and 5x, respectively). It'll help a lot if i can get my old friend/racquetball partner back into our weekly games. Then i'd need only one other regular activity to fill things out.

I'm very much in the "variety of activities" camp because i do not have the patience for a gym-based routine. Every time i've attempted "Ok, gym 3x/week starting TODAY!@#$ HOUGHA!", i stalled out very quickly. Hence the flexibility of red and blue ink - *any* kind of cardio or strenuous activity counts (running, DDR, a long hike with a thousand feet of elevation change, etc). I can keep it going if i have enough things to switch between. Also, i enjoy seeing the synergy between activities. And really, my underlying goal is simply to live a healthier lifestyle. If i were training for a marathon or something specific, i'd probably want a more focused and disciplined routine. But for now, as long as i get to the point where i do *something* useful every day, and *something* strenuous on alternating days, i'll be happy.

Hmm, now i have Rocky training montages running through my head. Here, have a video:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8xHjC27YvM

Have two videos:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPbLzu83Ato

:-)

Some Musings [Part 3: "Confessions of a late-20s drama queen"]

(Is anyone still reading? Bueller?)

Part 3: "Confessions of a late-20s drama queen"

I realized a month or two ago that i'm able to laugh again. I mean technically, i never stopped laughing; i've always been a smartass, cracking jokes, etc. But i'm talking about the deep, soulful, "best medicine" kind of laugher; the kind that makes you feel *alive*. I think the zany, fun-loving side of me is finally returning in full-force.

So i was driving home from work one day (about a week before the lindy exchange, i think), cruising down the freeway, music cranked up, when i realized that i was in a really good mood. And that i'd consistently been in a good mood for at least a couple of weeks. And that i was not really weight down by certain memories which had been haunting my steps. No more emo mix of resentment and anxiety holding me back. I mean i'm certainly not *pleased* with what happened, and i'm still very disappointed with her behavior and the way she treated me. I'm not yet convinced that it's "better this way". And i can still fall down an emotional rabbit hole if i'm careless.

But i realize now that i've slowly been piecing my life back together. I didn't really notice at first - the shards held together by glue and slowly-growing scar tissue - but i can see it now that it's really taking shape. I'm once again motivated to get back to my Minor Plan (tm); refocus my personal goals; work towards becoming the guy i want to be.

I suppose things turned a corner earlier this year when she slammed the door in my face. Added to the mountain of inconsistencies, mixed signals, and unfairness, this became the last straw, as it were. Or maybe a spark. Yeah, i like that analogy better - it was the spark which finally lit up the whole mess, and *finally* enraged me enough to burn away the fog in my pretty little idealistic head. When the fires cooled down, i was finally able to see things clearly.

Anyway. I'm sure many of you are saying "About fucking time, man." I agree. It sucks that it took me so long to get to this point, but i'm very glad to be here now.

Some Musings [Part 2: "Sing...sing a song"]

First a postscript to Part 1:

There is now song C in the running. I wasn't considering it before because it's by the same band as song B, and song B is my *favorite* song by that band (which gives it priority). But after spending several hours working on song C yesterday, i'm finding it to be rather compelling. It's been growing on me over the past few weeks anyway, and i'm *really* enjoying learning to play it. Especially the vocals; i've heard the song a million times before, but the lyrics never really hit me until just recently. I feel like i can sing the song and actually *mean it*. I guess we'll see how things play out.


Part 2: "Sing...sing a song"

So i'm hooked on American Idol again. It was so unintentional; i only watched the third season (which Fantasia won - uggh), and pretty much lost interest after that. But a few weeks ago i turned on the tv, waiting for Fringe to come on (such an awesome show). I was a few minutes early, so i caught the 2-minute recap of American Idol. Yawn, right? Wrong. Some of the singers in those 2 minutes were awesome enough to catch my attention. One guy was even playing piano, which completely shattered my cynical view of "Karaoke Idol". So i watched the following week's episode (disco week) and was pretty amazed by several of the numbers, and especially by Kris (the piano guy) and his low-key performance with an acoustic guitar and a few guys rounding out a nice little 4-piece.

The following week was Rat Pack themed; not my favorite, but i'd become a fan of a few of the singers by then, so it was fun to see them on stage again.

Then...Rock Week. And who was the special guest mentor? Slash. Fucking Slash. Oh hell yeah.

So i'm now officially an Adam Lambert fanboy. Such an incredible set of pipes. Awesome range & control in the high registers. And his stage presence, omg. He covered a Led Zeppelin song this week and fucking *nailed* it. As in "Hey, i didn't know Robert Plant was going to be here. Oh wait, it's *Adam*!" He'd better win this season. But even if he doesn't, record labels are going to be falling all over themselves trying to sign him, so i look forward to his debut album. I just hope he rocks it, and doesn't let the label package him up.

Segue. Am i the only dork who is excited about this new show "Glee"?


Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ea2pMx1lYw

Maybe it's just becasue their awesome Journey cover snagged my attention (love that song). Or maybe it's just my interest in any show involving singing and/or dancing. [Sidebar: Does anyone know where i can score full episodes of Cop Rock? I'm serious. There *has* to be someone out there who taped all of the episodes (a la Lorelai Gilmore) back when it was on.] Anyway, i guess they're airing the pilot as a preview later this month, and then the show will start this fall.

Hmm, sudden urge to watch Dr. Horrible again. Come back for Part 3 - same bat time, same bat channel.

Some Musings [Part 1: "Feelin' Fine"]

[I've had a lot on my mind recently, and i haven't written in a while. Halfway through writing this post i realized that it was getting way too long. So i'm breaking it up into a series; maybe one post every day or two for the next week.]

Part 1: "Feelin' Fine"

Ever since CULX, it seems like a lot of things have been coming together for me. I mean, my once-a-year visit with my awesome friends back home (love you guys!) is always a huge boost, but there's more going on. Partly it's the timing of various things (more on that in Part 3), but i think it's mostly my own attitude. Reflection of things that are good for me right now, as well as things that have the *potential* to be good. Add to that the promise of a kickass summer filled with concerts, weekend trips, and hitting my (long overdue) backlog of local activities and personal projects. And my fledgeling music project which enjoyed a major confidence boost from all of the wonderful encouragement and positive feedback on my first youtube video. Seriously, you guys, it means a lot to me, so thank you.

Out of the dozen or so songs on my "work-in-progress" list, i have two candidates for my next video. Both are songs i've loved ever since high school, and both translate well to a stripped-down acoustic setting. I'm keeping them under wraps for now, so lets call them songs A and B. I've been working on song A for several months now; it's still choppy, but coming along nicely, i think. Song B is much more difficult (almost entirely barre chords!), and i only started to learn it this week. I reeeally want to release this one next because it's so awesome, but it's going to take me a long time to get it up to scruff. So looks like song A will most likely be next. Although i have been working hard on song B, so we'll see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

As with many of my projects, i cycle through phases including (but not limited to) energized/encouraged, mellow, demotivated/bummed out, frustrated, apathetic, stoic. Right now i'm definitely energized (seriously, i *love* this song, barre chords and all). So far i've noticed that i usually hit my highs when i start learning a new song, because fresh material is always exciting, and i can quickly get from "sucks" to "choppy-but-doable". It's much harder to go from there to "stable" - clean up my guitarwork (and vocals) to the point where i can actually play the song reliably. Progress is much slower in that phase, and i often feel like i'm stuck in the same spot for a long time. I usually offset this by working on a few other songs in parallel - sometimes shelving the song in question for weeks (or even months) at a time because i'm so frustrated and don't like the song anymore. I did this with Free World more times than i can remember. And with song A. Seeing the results of those efforts makes it easier to stay positive even through the frustration. "All we need is just a little patience."