On the comeback trail

My biggest issue when it comes to my workout goals (and many other goals, for that matter) is a lapse in drive when it comes to the moment. I'll plan on hitting the gym after work on a given day, but by the time i'm ready to head out (usually 6-7pm), i'll find that i'm tired, hungry, and/or annoyed and just want to go home. Some days i force myself to hit the gym anyway. Other days (more often than i'd like), i take the easy way out and blow off the workout.

B-storyline (this is related, i promise): Because i am inept, i failed to supress a particular high-school-esque tendency yesterday. I was about ready to head out, and i saw that she was wrapping up her stuff too, so i tried to time it just right so we'd end up walking together. Yes i know, LAME. So lame, in fact, that i came to my senses and decided to sabotage my own effort and kill time by talking to one of my coworkers about some bug he was fixing (i really didn't care, and he probably noticed that i kept glancing down the row as he explained the bugfix). But then i changed my mind again and tried to revert to the original plan, but i got stuck in the conversation and she slipped out. DAMM!

With a sigh i headed out to where i usually park, but the fact that my car wasn't there reminded me that i'd parked in the deck instead. Double sigh. Finally got to my car, tossed my backpack into the trunk, and then tried to stare down my gym bag. I was really torn; i'd planned things right physically - had a nice lunch heavy on protein and carbs (mongolian bbq - mmm), drank plenty of water through the afternoon, chewed down a power bar about an hour before i was ready to go. But i really felt like just going home and working on my songs instead. Fortunately my gym bag won our battle of wills; i slung it over my shoulder and headed towards the gym.

My reward for making the right call was two-fold:

1) As i approached the door to the building, guess who walked through in the other direction? Yep, it was her! We just exchanged a quick friendly greeting, but the serendipity really lifted my spirits. The sequence of me (a) extracting myself from the pointless conversation, (b) unintentionally taking the scenic route to my car, (c) arguing with my gym bag, and finally (d) heading back in lined up *exactly* with the timing of her walking through that door. It's the little things in life, y'know?

2) My workout was awesome.

Over the past month or two i've slowly been working my way back from a rather lengthy setback (close to a year - uggh). It was incredibly frustrating at first - having my arms give out after only half the number of pushups i used to be able to do, finding myself winded and locking up after only 1 mile on the treadmill, etc.

Yesterday i hit my former max distance of 2.5 miles (running between a 9 and 9.5-minute mile). It's nothing compared to you runners out there, but it was great progress compared to where i'd started.

Lifting didn't go quite as well, but i'm at least back to my former weight levels on the few machines i use (and yes, i do intend to switch to free weights sometime soon). And i'm making slow/steady progress on my semi-nightly pushups (not back to last spring's levels yet, but getting there).

Last year i started tracking my progress on my fridge calendar - red ink for cardio or strenuous activity, blue for light/moderate, and blue again for strength (i need to pick up a different color pen to distinguish). I think i'm ready to reinstate my former goal: I want to see red ink on my calendar 3x/week, and blue 4x/week (with stretch goals of 4x and 5x, respectively). It'll help a lot if i can get my old friend/racquetball partner back into our weekly games. Then i'd need only one other regular activity to fill things out.

I'm very much in the "variety of activities" camp because i do not have the patience for a gym-based routine. Every time i've attempted "Ok, gym 3x/week starting TODAY!@#$ HOUGHA!", i stalled out very quickly. Hence the flexibility of red and blue ink - *any* kind of cardio or strenuous activity counts (running, DDR, a long hike with a thousand feet of elevation change, etc). I can keep it going if i have enough things to switch between. Also, i enjoy seeing the synergy between activities. And really, my underlying goal is simply to live a healthier lifestyle. If i were training for a marathon or something specific, i'd probably want a more focused and disciplined routine. But for now, as long as i get to the point where i do *something* useful every day, and *something* strenuous on alternating days, i'll be happy.

Hmm, now i have Rocky training montages running through my head. Here, have a video:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8xHjC27YvM

Have two videos:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPbLzu83Ato

:-)

Some Musings [Part 3: "Confessions of a late-20s drama queen"]

(Is anyone still reading? Bueller?)

Part 3: "Confessions of a late-20s drama queen"

I realized a month or two ago that i'm able to laugh again. I mean technically, i never stopped laughing; i've always been a smartass, cracking jokes, etc. But i'm talking about the deep, soulful, "best medicine" kind of laugher; the kind that makes you feel *alive*. I think the zany, fun-loving side of me is finally returning in full-force.

So i was driving home from work one day (about a week before the lindy exchange, i think), cruising down the freeway, music cranked up, when i realized that i was in a really good mood. And that i'd consistently been in a good mood for at least a couple of weeks. And that i was not really weight down by certain memories which had been haunting my steps. No more emo mix of resentment and anxiety holding me back. I mean i'm certainly not *pleased* with what happened, and i'm still very disappointed with her behavior and the way she treated me. I'm not yet convinced that it's "better this way". And i can still fall down an emotional rabbit hole if i'm careless.

But i realize now that i've slowly been piecing my life back together. I didn't really notice at first - the shards held together by glue and slowly-growing scar tissue - but i can see it now that it's really taking shape. I'm once again motivated to get back to my Minor Plan (tm); refocus my personal goals; work towards becoming the guy i want to be.

I suppose things turned a corner earlier this year when she slammed the door in my face. Added to the mountain of inconsistencies, mixed signals, and unfairness, this became the last straw, as it were. Or maybe a spark. Yeah, i like that analogy better - it was the spark which finally lit up the whole mess, and *finally* enraged me enough to burn away the fog in my pretty little idealistic head. When the fires cooled down, i was finally able to see things clearly.

Anyway. I'm sure many of you are saying "About fucking time, man." I agree. It sucks that it took me so long to get to this point, but i'm very glad to be here now.

Some Musings [Part 2: "Sing...sing a song"]

First a postscript to Part 1:

There is now song C in the running. I wasn't considering it before because it's by the same band as song B, and song B is my *favorite* song by that band (which gives it priority). But after spending several hours working on song C yesterday, i'm finding it to be rather compelling. It's been growing on me over the past few weeks anyway, and i'm *really* enjoying learning to play it. Especially the vocals; i've heard the song a million times before, but the lyrics never really hit me until just recently. I feel like i can sing the song and actually *mean it*. I guess we'll see how things play out.


Part 2: "Sing...sing a song"

So i'm hooked on American Idol again. It was so unintentional; i only watched the third season (which Fantasia won - uggh), and pretty much lost interest after that. But a few weeks ago i turned on the tv, waiting for Fringe to come on (such an awesome show). I was a few minutes early, so i caught the 2-minute recap of American Idol. Yawn, right? Wrong. Some of the singers in those 2 minutes were awesome enough to catch my attention. One guy was even playing piano, which completely shattered my cynical view of "Karaoke Idol". So i watched the following week's episode (disco week) and was pretty amazed by several of the numbers, and especially by Kris (the piano guy) and his low-key performance with an acoustic guitar and a few guys rounding out a nice little 4-piece.

The following week was Rat Pack themed; not my favorite, but i'd become a fan of a few of the singers by then, so it was fun to see them on stage again.

Then...Rock Week. And who was the special guest mentor? Slash. Fucking Slash. Oh hell yeah.

So i'm now officially an Adam Lambert fanboy. Such an incredible set of pipes. Awesome range & control in the high registers. And his stage presence, omg. He covered a Led Zeppelin song this week and fucking *nailed* it. As in "Hey, i didn't know Robert Plant was going to be here. Oh wait, it's *Adam*!" He'd better win this season. But even if he doesn't, record labels are going to be falling all over themselves trying to sign him, so i look forward to his debut album. I just hope he rocks it, and doesn't let the label package him up.

Segue. Am i the only dork who is excited about this new show "Glee"?


Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ea2pMx1lYw

Maybe it's just becasue their awesome Journey cover snagged my attention (love that song). Or maybe it's just my interest in any show involving singing and/or dancing. [Sidebar: Does anyone know where i can score full episodes of Cop Rock? I'm serious. There *has* to be someone out there who taped all of the episodes (a la Lorelai Gilmore) back when it was on.] Anyway, i guess they're airing the pilot as a preview later this month, and then the show will start this fall.

Hmm, sudden urge to watch Dr. Horrible again. Come back for Part 3 - same bat time, same bat channel.

Some Musings [Part 1: "Feelin' Fine"]

[I've had a lot on my mind recently, and i haven't written in a while. Halfway through writing this post i realized that it was getting way too long. So i'm breaking it up into a series; maybe one post every day or two for the next week.]

Part 1: "Feelin' Fine"

Ever since CULX, it seems like a lot of things have been coming together for me. I mean, my once-a-year visit with my awesome friends back home (love you guys!) is always a huge boost, but there's more going on. Partly it's the timing of various things (more on that in Part 3), but i think it's mostly my own attitude. Reflection of things that are good for me right now, as well as things that have the *potential* to be good. Add to that the promise of a kickass summer filled with concerts, weekend trips, and hitting my (long overdue) backlog of local activities and personal projects. And my fledgeling music project which enjoyed a major confidence boost from all of the wonderful encouragement and positive feedback on my first youtube video. Seriously, you guys, it means a lot to me, so thank you.

Out of the dozen or so songs on my "work-in-progress" list, i have two candidates for my next video. Both are songs i've loved ever since high school, and both translate well to a stripped-down acoustic setting. I'm keeping them under wraps for now, so lets call them songs A and B. I've been working on song A for several months now; it's still choppy, but coming along nicely, i think. Song B is much more difficult (almost entirely barre chords!), and i only started to learn it this week. I reeeally want to release this one next because it's so awesome, but it's going to take me a long time to get it up to scruff. So looks like song A will most likely be next. Although i have been working hard on song B, so we'll see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

As with many of my projects, i cycle through phases including (but not limited to) energized/encouraged, mellow, demotivated/bummed out, frustrated, apathetic, stoic. Right now i'm definitely energized (seriously, i *love* this song, barre chords and all). So far i've noticed that i usually hit my highs when i start learning a new song, because fresh material is always exciting, and i can quickly get from "sucks" to "choppy-but-doable". It's much harder to go from there to "stable" - clean up my guitarwork (and vocals) to the point where i can actually play the song reliably. Progress is much slower in that phase, and i often feel like i'm stuck in the same spot for a long time. I usually offset this by working on a few other songs in parallel - sometimes shelving the song in question for weeks (or even months) at a time because i'm so frustrated and don't like the song anymore. I did this with Free World more times than i can remember. And with song A. Seeing the results of those efforts makes it easier to stay positive even through the frustration. "All we need is just a little patience."

Rockin' In The Free World

Neil Young's legendary song "Rockin' In The Free World" has been one of "mine" for a long time now. I've heard so many different versions of the tune over the years, and spent countless hours on youtube watching covers and live performances. I thought i'd share a few of my favorites.

Facebookers - again, the notes app is going to kill the embedded video when it imports this; please go to my original post.

First, of course, the original - studio recording from Neil Young's 1989 album "Freedom":



Next, Pearl Jam & Neil Young playing the song together at the 1993 MTV Video Music Awards. Incredible performance! An encore airing several years later is what first drew my attention to the song (and to Neil Young):



Pearl Jam again - i burned myself a Pearl Jam mix cd when i was in college, leading with a live version of Free World i'd downloaded from somewhere. That recording, i think, had the heaviest influence on the way i sing the song myself. I used to blast it in the car *all the time*, belting out the vocals at the top of my lungs; wonderful feeling. This isn't the same recording, but one of the better ones on youtube:



While working on my own cover, i studied many home recordings on youtube. This one is by far my favorite; i wish i could sing like this guy:



An acoustic performance by Neil Young himself (song starts at ~0:30):



And last, but the opposite of least, Neil Young's performance on Saturday Night Live in 1989. Considered by many to be one of his best performances of the song, and one of the most intense live tv performances ever. (Even now, watching the video makes me want to smash something.)

Link:

Neilam's new music project

Over the past year, some of you may have heard me make references to a personal project, or seen cryptic status messages on Facebook about making progress or being frustrated. Maybe you asked me what i did over the weekend, and my reply was a vague "Oh i just worked on some stuff; caught up on a few things". All of those things were actually about this:

After many years of thinking/talking about it, i finally started taking guitar lessons last year. I decided to keep this project secret (except for a select few friends) until i'd proven to myself that i'm serious and sticking with it; at that point i'd post a video and surprise everyone. I am excited to report that i have reached this point. Kindof.

Sitrep: I have a handful of songs in the works (all covers), and i think this one in particular is really coming along. But i'm having trouble getting a clean recording of it. It's like as soon as the camera goes on, my voice goes out, or something else goes wrong. I've recorded over a hundred takes in the past few weeks, but none of them came out as well as i'd like. So i picked out the best take from the batch to share, because i don't want to wait any longer.

With that, here's my rough-cut/work-in-progress cover of the Neil Young classic, "Rockin' In The Free World":




(I'm pretty sure Facebook will garble the embedded video when it imports this post; if you don't see the player above, please go to my original blog post or directly to YouTube).


Feedback would be much appreciated, especially from you musicians out there. Again, this is just a rough cut. I *know* i can sing better than this, and i can see other areas to work on. I want to continue to learn and improve, so if you have any pointers, i'd love to hear them. General comments are also welcome ("You rock", "You suck", "Neil Young is going to find you and kick your ass" - toughen me up for the YouTube community).

Huge thanks to the few of you who held my secret (or figured it out and didn't say anything). Thanks, of course, to my guitar instructor. And an extra-heartfelt thanks to you, Em, for your awesome support and tips and help with quality control <3

29 Albums That Defined My Life

With all of the Facebook memes going around this year, here's one that actually hits home. Music is the driving force of my life. My journal is full of entries concerning the bands and albums that have impacted me, and indeed that is the basis of how i manage my music collection.

[boilerplate]
Think of 20 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world. When you finish, tag 20 others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill.

My original plan was to write up a short blurb about each of these albums, but (not surprisingly) it quickly started turning into an autobiography. So here's the naked list for now; maybe i'll post the full writeup to my blog later.

Oh, a few other points:
- List is roughly in chronological order (by first impact, not release date) and items are grouped by context.
- Items in bold hold extra-special significance
- I've been hacking on this for like a month now (see also - Rob from High Fidelity). This rev is not perfect but it'll have to do; i'm tired of arguing with myself.
- It's impossible to cut down to 20 albums; 29 is the best i can do :-)


METALLICA
(i can't pick a single Metallica album; narrowed down to these 4)
- The black album
- ...And Justice For All
- Master of Puppets
- Ride The Lightning

Aerosmith - Get A Grip
Van Halen - Balance
Stone Temple Pilots - Core
Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
Pantera - Far Beyond Driven
White Zombie - Astro-Creep 2000

The Verve Pipe - Villians

Ozzy Osbourne - Ozzmosis

Les Miserables - Original Broadway Cast Recording
Rent - Original Broadway Cast Recording
Cradle Of Filth - Dusk And Her Embrace

DREAM THEATER - Images And Words

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Once More With Feeling - Original Cast Album

EVANESCENCE - Fallen

Garden State - Music From The Motion Picture
The Cure - Disintegration

Lamb Of God - Ashes Of The Wake
Shadows Fall - The War Within
Killswitch Engage - The End Of Heartache

Avril Lavigne - Under My Skin

Trivium - Ascendency

Bullet For My Valentine - The Poison
All That Remains - The Fall Of Ideals

James Blunt
- Back To Bedlam
- All The Lost Souls


And...bugger it. The following bands didn't quite fit on my list, but it just doesn't feel right to ignore them entirely. Special mentions:

- Nirvana
- Pearl Jam
- Alice In Chains
- Soundgarden
- Jurassic Park soundtrack
- Megadeth
- Fear Factory
- Queensryche
- Slipknot
- Madonna
- Collective Soul
- In Flames
- Dark Tranquillity
- Hungry Lucy
- The Birthday Massacre
- Lacuna Coil